self-image — Blog

I've had some fun acting opportunities come up recently. I got to be in a comedy sketch called "Wanderlust." I'm currently working on a short film called "3 Dates." I auditioned today for another fun sketch with a group based in San Francisco (YAY!). I'm working on a quirky musical with my friend Emily that I hope to also perform in. Life is good and acting is fun.

However, I (like many humans) suffer from many near-crippling insecurities. Here are all of the reasons I am insecure* and probably shouldn't continue to pursue acting:

I'm broad-backed.
I'm not a size 0, 2, 4, OR 6. Heck, sometimes I'm not even an 8.
I'm not a size XS or S. Heck, sometimes I'm not even an M.
When I take off my glasses and I can't see I get cross-eyed.
I'm almost 30...
I am missing a chunk of my gum right in the front of my mouth. Thanks a lot, "large cell granuloma."
I have an autoimmune disorder (part of the reason I got "large cell granuloma").
Don't look up "large cell granuloma." It's SO gross.
I didn't go to school for acting.
No one in my family has been an actor.
I'm like, "girl-next-door" cute but not hot.
I'm so insecure. Can't you tell?
I have "thunder thighs," and according to my mother, I got them from her.
I have a "build like my Polish grandmother," according to my father.
My boobs are too small by societal standards, but way too big for my standards. If I could successfully be bra-less like Kate Hudson in "How to Lose a Guy" all day erryday I'd be satisfied with my chest size.
My haircut is weird. Growing out a pixie is way harder than anticipated.
... I wish I owned a cat. All the wishing takes up too much brain power to have time for acting.
... I'm obsessed with podcasts**. All the listening also takes up too much brain power have time for acting.
... I can memorize lines okay! Wait... that's a good thing.
...
... I like to improvise... wait... also a good thing.
...
Bruce Springsteen!
...
Okay, I guess I ran out of excuses. And every insecurity I have is apparently linked to my appearance and not to whether or not I can play a character. WOW. Way to be vapid, Hennessy.

Truth is, I think acting is fun and challenging. I like when I can make people laugh. I like when I can share a story or an idea that people relate to. I might be ill-proportioned (or just way too insecure about it) but WHATEVER. SERIOUSLY, WHATEVER.

*I know how absurd this list is. My goal this year is to be honest about my struggles. I'm not fishing for compliments or searching for gratification. If I can make one human feel less alienated because of their body image struggles or other feelings of inadequacy, I will consider this post to be 100% worth it.

**Currently listening to wayyyy too many comedy podcasts: If I Were You, Hello from the Magic Tavern, Improv 4 Humans, The Blacklist Table Reads, With Special Guest Lauren Lapkus and probably a million more.